Mork Calling Orson ...

Remember Mork & Mindy? If not look it up…

A spin off from Happy Days, it was a hit comedy vehicle for a young and rising comedy star - Robin Williams. It ran for 92 episodes over four years between 1978 and 1982 and centred on the life of his off world character “Mork”. An alien from the planet Ork who’s mission was to travel to Earth to study and report on human behaviour and culture. Each episode ended with his call back to “Orson” his controller on his home planet which provided an opportunity for a Williams monologue in which to sound off on human foibles and norms.

Imagine what that report would look like if Mork left the Colorado of the late 1970s and early 80s and found himself in 2022?

Politically would what he found be that different? Leaving 1978 Jimmy Carter would have been President, arriving in 2022 he would find Biden. Both of these office holders were, or in Biden's case is being, judged by the approach of their mid-term to be failing with Iran & Afghanistan providing Carter’s foreign policy limitations and Afghanistan (again), the Middle East (again) and Ukraine Biden’s. The time in office of both has not been (Carter) and will not be (Biden) recorded by history with admiration of its success.

What social changes would he find? With the impacts of the COVID pandemic and growing movements of discontent placing strain on social cohesion what would he make of the current state of major US cities, San Francisco, Seattle, New York , You choose one; all face serious difficulties - rough on street living, drug abuse, mental health, poor housing, traffic, pollution, public education, crime - what has changed?

What’s changed on the war front? The situations in the Ukraine, Middle East and Afghanistan simply rename much the same lines of conflict?

Maybe things look more like the decade he left thirty years ago than is comfortable to admit?

So; what does his report to Orson from 2022 read like?

May be something like this:

Nanu Nanu. This will be my final report before I leave planet Earth in 2022. My time here has taught me a great amount. While the human race still has much to learn, many of their species have continued to demonstrated intelligence, kindness and a wonderful sense of humour. Happy Days is still running on TV even though Fonzie is dead and Richie Cunningham is now bald!

There are many things that continue to baffle me however. Humans fight and kill each other over which deity they chose to honour, the colour of their skin and concerning something called oil and gas (still haven’t figured that one out).

When humans are not killing each other, many argue about who they can marry and where. Some say if boys marry boys or girls marry girls, they’ll go to a place called Hell (I think that is another name for a town called Washington, D.C or maybe Seattle). This Hell is also the place where politicians choose to ignore gun violence and poor people, decide who is oppressed by the colour of their skin and make laws about can come into the country.

Odd race these humans.

If I had arrived on Earth much earlier, there would have been a bunch of people worthy of my conducting an “alien abduction” on. Abraham Lincoln, Marie Curie, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Mohandas Gandhi and a dude named Peter Parker who was bitten by a spider and turned into someone who rescued cute girls. They are capable of much greatness, these humans. But they are also full of contradictions.

Perhaps the thing that saddens me most about Earthlings is how they treat those with mental health and addiction concerns. At times it gets so bad that individuals with such concerns are placed in something called prison. People in prison wear ill-fitting uniforms and spend most of their time in a cage.

To make matters worse, many humans with mental health and addiction problems wind up sleeping on the street or under a bridge. Often, in desperation, they resort to something known as suicide. Seems like humans don’t understand those who have these problems. I just heard about a poor fellow named Williams who took his own life after struggling with many issues for years. Very sad.

Unfortunately, these unusual creatures wait for a tragedy before making changes. Ignoring global warming and Karmla Harris are two of this year’s examples. The list could go on.

I don’t know what it will take for people to see that loneliness often leads to despair, which in turn brings on things like alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, homelessness, suicide and other tragic situations. Oftentimes it appears as if they would rather watch behemoth-sized Earthlings crash into each other while fighting over a funny shaped ball than do something about it. You’ve got to see this to believe it. The game is called football. This is very interesting because the ball spends more time in a participant’s hands than feet. This is like calling politics the art of compromise.

This year’s crop of politicians are still in this school of artists. Their medium is still BS.

All of this sedates those who watch so that real world concerns don’t enter their brains. I’ve said they still have a way to go. Before leaving perhaps I can do something that can change things.

These humans also resort to extremes. They talk about their concerns regarding illicit drug use, but then turn around and push for more marijuana vendors. Brownies for everyone! They also allow someone who took an oath to “do no harm” to over-prescribe some very powerful medications. This leads me to wonder whether their appetites exceed an ability to control them. Speaking of extremes, have you been checking out what is going on in the big Cities? Police with assault weapons and armoured vehicles are combating citizens who also have automatic weapons and body armour.

I’m afraid that pointing fingers has more power than listening.

Humans also espouse the importance of children but allow them to watch all kinds of violence on TV and video games as well as purchase materials that demean and exploit others.

I know that upon returning to Ork you will expect me to file a complete report on my Earth experience. While fully understanding that humour is not allowed at home, on Earth it is an essential coping device. In fact, a good laugh is something that can get human beings through the day. Apparently, a laugh is a dose of medicine that goes down quite well. This is a trait we might want to adopt from them.

Earth’s version of Yoda (Yogi Berra) once said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” I guess life is a little bit of action, some luck and an openness for adventure. For me, this trip was very worthwhile.

It’s time to leave now Orson. Hopefully I’ll see you soon. As you wait for my return consider having a good chuckle. Also, in the words of an ancient, and dead, Earth Philosopher, “Carpe Diem.” They made him drink poison, but he made a good point – it means to seize the day. This is a gift from me to you.

See you soon,

Mork

This is a report, with very minor amends, from the retrospective text proposed and penned by Bob Houghtaling as Mork's final report to Orson when he left Earth to return to Ork in 1982. It will most likely still be one Mork could use again, once more with very minor amends, if he revisited us in 2052

Until then Nanu Nanu Mork